Tag Archives: awakening

Blue blossom

There were times I’ve questioned why I do the things I do. Whether I was where I was supposed to be. There were times when I scorned the heavens and times I scorned myself because my choices often led me into the gallows. how bad could my luck really be? I can’t believe this shit is happening. Something always happens, its 5 o’clock and all my friends have already gone home. I’m dancing alone.

I would have said, bullshit!, whenever they told me my lows were helping me grow. Like I would find my blossom one day. How could I expect to find my blossom if the same shit keeps happening i mean, why does the same shit keep happening. But a seedling sprouts only if you keep watering it. I drown! I die! Everytime. Knock it off! I knew they were right. But maybe the world just wasn’t calibrated for chumps like me. Stop watering me. No.

Stay strong, you’re learning more everyday. You try it. Then tell me how strong you are if you never get a chance to dust off. I’ve had it. I can’t breathe. What’d you say?! Get off my case cause you don’t know shit. Who does?! I’ve tried to make the good decisions in life, I was irrigated with elite ethics so I know a thing or two about the right choices. But what kind of shit place is it where my right choices lead me into a dark place over and over again. Screw your right choices. Watch me screw the left ones too. Screw the prick that designated those. And all of a sudden I popped above the soil. Hey there… Hi. What’s your name? You can talk? Of course I can! I want to say, fuck you! But why? Cause you drowned me. Right? Get that smug look off your face, it hurts my eyes. You’ll be sorry when I wipe this smug look off my face though. Bullshit. Don’t think so? Breathe a bit first, you’ve been looking for this smug little smile, sonny boy. Pout! I pout in your face. But I know I’m wrong because there’s no other way to find your blossom than to drown it.

All my friends danced alone. But there’s no better dance partner. Still drowning? Wait till you see the grand punch-line. They won’t get it. Then again, I didn’t think I’d get it either. Get that smug look off your face. No.

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Filed under fiction metaphor, poetry

The revolution begins and end with you

There’s a little voice inside my head that tells me to tread carefully for fear of mucking things up. That little voice seems intent with my protection in the world, keeps me in place. What if I don’t get this job?! What if she/he doesn’t like me? What if I’m wasting my time? Why is this happening to me? We know that voice. But what about that other voice?

We all have this other voice that condones our more carnal urges. I want to sing out loud! I wanna play with my food. am I the only one that thinks that’s funny? Both voices clash ideologically, though they have this in common: fear.

The first voice fears the dilapidation of the ego. As though a part of who we think we are is chipped away when something doesn’t go accordingly. Onsets of depression and disappointment are but venomous. They serve to reconstruct your ego until the second voice is only scorned upon.

The second voice is fearless. It is the voice of your psyche. Or soul. Or whatever the hell your passion comes from. Once the who of the first voice is snuffed, the psyche’s voice takes over. You’ll do, DO the things you really want to do. You don’t need the rules of everyone else to tell you who you’re meant to be. Man wasn’t meant to be grounded. We’re here because we’ve lost or way. We’ve lost or magic. We’ve lost our love. Even the pious had the right idea when we were riddled with the skies to be or limits. Of whom on earth is closer to godliness than they who fear not the death and demise of themselves.

An atheist doesn’t believe in the powers that be, an agnostic is close to solving their riddle. A gnostic looks for the right words to speak the truth. The amazing thing is, it is the atheist that is closest to god, than they know. Not to believe in a higher power is just a backwards and secular way of saying they don’t believe in life, a=a/1=a(1), they don’t believe in death. No heaven, no hell. What’s left is that second voice, telling you who you really are.

I used to be such a cynic about spirituality-hippie-shit, but a cynic is only cynical about the things they don’t understand and don’t have. Understanding chaos is the first step. It shimmers in infinitude in the starry sky despite the veil of a blue sky on a sunny day, but its secrets are howled to you in the wind. If you think this sounds far-fetched you must ask for which voice is telling you that.

Your courage and wisdom will wake you back up to the life you were meant to have. In an imperfect world, courage and wisdom wouldn’t count as currency. If you’re one that thinks its all going to shit anyway while you lifted not a single finger to help, just keep your damn mouth shut while the rest of us do real work. I was that guy. Then I found a bargain and bought a whole universe for the price of my one material world.

”we were brought up on the space race, but now they expect you to clean toilets. When you’ve seen how big the world is, how can you make do with this?” -J.C. Pulp

”when they lied, I knew it was just stable children, trying hard not to realize, I was standing right behind them.” -J.C. The Strokes

Well if you were me and I were you, then I’d use your body to get to the top. You can’t stop me no matter who you are.” J.C. Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls

which voice do you think is creating art? Take a second look at the things you enjoy, for god’s sake, sister. This is the last of my betrayals to the art of subtlety. the metaphors miss me… but I did this because I miss you.

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Filed under allegory, non-fiction rambling, rhetoric

Baby bloomers

We are always falling. But we keep torturing ourselves by telling ourselves to get back up. Don’t. Let it all fall away when you fall. Then you’ll see that it isn’t that you have to get back up again and again and again, but that you’re going to stand up for the first time.

You mean to tell me that it actually makes sense for you to climb back up into this pattern of despair  repeatedly? You know I’m right, wake up. Bloom, baby. We’re coming out off the sidelines and I need my old team back with me. There’s lots and lots for us to see, and lots and lots for us to do. You be electric and I’ll be electric too.

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