Monthly Archives: May 2019

message in a bottle? y’know, like where you keep all your secret hurts… right?

I learned once how not to be a clingy, obsessive type of boyfriend by being one. It wasn’t the kind of boyfriend I wanted to be but that’s how I looked. Oh, I was just trying to hold on to something too hard like it was important. And of course it was; t’was the kind of love guys don’t ever expect to experience. But like me, love changed. I am not going to be a clingy obsessive type of boyfriend ever again, because doing it wrong the one time was enough for me and that old dreamy, once in a lifetime, kind of love. Like, it’s gone. But do not despair! For the good news is that you are not me, and I hope this helps keeps you in the dreamy kind of love that left me waiting for seconds.

I’m not really waiting for it though, because I would have to actively be looking for a girlfriend to see how well I couldn’t screw it up again. More for research than for love, but only because I want to love. And if I could say what I want, and I could, I wouldn’t be able to trick a girl into giving me a chance. I say I trick girls into liking me but it’s really only to make liking me sound more exciting than it is. Oh boy, I don’t think I really want to date now that I’m thinking about the repercussions. I’d have to trick me more than the girl. My cool handsome exterior is one of my best disguises and I’m waiting to actually be saved by a girlfriend. The fabled next girlfriend. I need her to pull me out and tell me it wasn’t me, and that she just needs some time alone all randomly, (because this fabled girlfriend is just a hero in my story) and I would be so mature and agree to give her time, stop crying, and make a bunch of promises to keep, you know the kind that make people sound like romantic cliches but unlike the movies I’d keep them anyway and wait and be patient and be alone and be okay. It all isn’t much different from what I’m actually doing now. Weird, but that’s what my handsome and mysteriously awesome self is separating. Separating what, you ask? I dunno. I was going to say something like reality and dreams, but it’s just me. ❤


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