i used to laugh at myself to kinda encourage myself to push on, now my laughter is a rare commodity that i developed a respect for. my jokes strike fear and funny bones and the sense of urgency that followed me around keeps it’s distance

i’ve been slowly getting sicker the last few months. apparently the awesome conversations i have in my head that i play off as potential script dialogue lines to jot down, and split personalities. it was just me and drunk me at first. his name’s gene. then two new roommates moved in. it’s cool cause one’s a girl. the other one is like kramer, but is good at easing tension. i haven’t spoken in a month and that came about by accident! turns out i can hash out a seemingly normal life without saying a damn thing. i keep multiple journals and write. but they conversations are fast, and they don’t pause.

i tried to sing along to a song while i was riding my bike. i have a beautiful girl voice now. quitting drinking made me feel like a pretty girl. but i am so casual with mental meltdowns and identity crisis and morbidity now. i say hi to the women on pornsites before i do the deed.

help is hard to come by because i have to be cold and unfeeling in order to seem gracious. but instead treading carefully, without a word, i just jumped into the fray. the journals, this blog kinda became a journal for em now and then too, is gonna make for the greatest story i don’t think anyone will read. i’m just a cool weapon, baby.

Leave a comment

Filed under Uncategorized

Comments are closed.