I listened to this dude be like an open book to some girl at a cafe. Why does it seem like a good thing to be absolutely honest and open? It sounds like a good idea on paper. But so is fairness in everyone having secrets, off paper. Anyway, I snuck a glance at the pair real quick cause I wanted to see what kinda caliber chick would listen to this guy for this long. She was pretty good looking. like a 7 or 8. Then he ran into a few friends, but they left real quick. The open book had a something green stuck in his tooth, but the chick didn’t say anything the whole time. Neither did his friends, but it was a huge deal, you could see it from across the street!
I wanted to say something but one simply cannot after witnessing his own supposed friends beat around the bush about that piece of spinach lodged in. “Just fucking tell him!” They did try to signal him, but this dude, this open book, volumes long, couldn’t read the signals correctly. The worst part is when he does find it, then he torments himself about how!? Not that part. When he goes, whyyyyyyy didn’t anyone say anything….
Everyone knew his impending embarrassment way before he did. The shaaaaame. The entire world snickering behind his back. That’s what shame feels like. Nevermind the friends, it was that bitch that pissed me off. She didn’t intend to show him an ounce of mercy by mentioning the spinach, before locking him away in the friendzone. And probably never intended to mention he was going to the friendzone. I watched dishonesty smash honesty. I guess that’s why one shouldn’t have an open book philosophy in life. Without secrets, one is vulnerable to both enemies and friends to be taken advantage of. Only a naive person could be foolish enough to believe he didn’t have enemies. He’d have to be foolish to believe his friends wouldn’t take advantage of him when they could too. That bitch though! This fucking guy with shit in his teeth just left his love and trust out on the floor to be stepped on by anyone! I laughed out loud at him, shook my head and walked out the cafe.
I was pissed because he pissed me off. Halfway down the block, a thought occurred to me that I laughed right at him, in front of people. Then I couldn’t stop thinking about all the shit that could be wrong in his life, conducted by his naive little mind that didn’t know the real world. …….Then I thought about the things that were actually wrong with my life. I’m really not the kind and generous human I thought I was. I was convinced I was, but didn’t notice when I started becoming so bitter and cynical.
That’s when I realized I used to be that dude. “He’s got a bright future to look forward to,” i chuckled. As my clever grin dissipated, I realized that he had bigger balls. When it comes down to it, the choice was to give up, or adapt. I adapted. He didn’t, but i’m the asshole. This bugged me, this is my 15 rewrite of this paragraph and it still doesn’t fucking work! “How the fuck am I the asshole?! I got smarter so I could survive!”
I stopped at some corner too many blocks away to go back and ask him. I may have had the physical last laugh on him, but the friendzoned dude with spinach in his teeth sunk my battleship without a blank look on his face. “He’s Mocking me! He’s an asshole!”
I sat down on the curb, with the lightness of giving up. I realized there was absolutely no reason for me to have been so mad. There wasn’t even a fight. I was mad about a battleship? The stoplight next to me flashed yellow as I pulled out a smoke. Then a red blanket covered me. Half my cigarette was done before the light turned green again. It stayed green until I stood up with taking my last toke, and as I exhaled, the the yellow light flashed briefly again before going red.
I glared pointlessly down the street and almost missed a step. Give up or adapt. Red light, green light. “That dirty-toothed, friendzoned open book…” The yellow light flashed briefly flooded the empty street with orange, buckling my knees. I’d probably stood up too fast. i totally forgot about that bitch! I started a war because of a girl I didn’t even care to know. My grin came back on it’s own somewhere down the empty street. A cool breeze sang me back to wherever it was I came from. Maybe this time I won’t pick up the hints either, “that dumbass… leave me alone.”