it’s only a paper moon

the things that bother a person about other people only weighs down the person it bothers. the complaint itself is a reflection of what a person doesn’t like about themselves, therefore comes around. the more intensely something about someone else is denied, the heavier it is, and guess what, you’re the only one it sinks. you scold your own shadow. for instance, i didn’t like the injustice that happens to good people, yet i couldn’t say that i didn’t like injustice that happens to bad people, which in itself ain’t just. i was an unjust person complaining about injustice, and it only showed how dishonest i was. only to me. tangible things have a way of manifesting physically as i often got lied to. however, with more intangible things like emotions, i.e. i didn’t like how unlucky i was in life, but i also didn’t acknowledge how lucky i really was. how sad i was vs. how happy i didn’t believe i was- these things that affect only you are able to be chosen. it’s hard to do on paper, but much simpler than you’d like to believe in practice. when it comes to you, running away from negative aspects that are there, won’t get you very far. (i have this recurring dream of running from something scary, but no matter how hard i ran, i never made it anywhere.) avoiding it weighs you down, and you won’t even know you did it. same goes with the positive aspects. one of those is near invisible to you, doesn’t matter which. but ignorance of at least one doesn’t mean it isn’t there, it’ll only hurt you out of the blue. that’s how a depression begins, and it’s a funnel.

we’re so used to being put down and putting others down that we can overlook the good qualities about ourselves and in others. sometimes it feels good when we’re being downers and when we’re downed and that should already be cause for concern. it’s feeling good through negative means, and we just perpetuate it all around, not even batting an eyelash at the cost. of course that doesn’t mean you can’t joke around with others that are doing it with you. joking around often helps point out the things about you that you didn’t catch but that’s because there wasn’t any malicious intent. i do it plenty myself, and get it done to me often enough to know it helped in the long run. being truly mean also works too, but that’s a hard fall to recover from especially if neither side wants to apologize first. i’m not going to tell you how to treat others, that seldom works but i will implore you to treat yourself how you want to be treated first. i don’t think you need mantras or self help books, dumb people (like ME) simply don’t understand how much power we really have, and could use all the help i can to remind me to be kind to myself before i can truly be kind to others. (i do sort of read self help stuff because it’s really hard for me to be honest to myself. Making the effort is only the scariest thing, to see i’m actually capable. it’s a strange thing to familiarize myself with.)

treat yourself honestly, and accurately, and in turn you’ll reach someone, and that’ll transpire further, like a cancer. you can have doubts about that. the tiniest things we do for ourselves than to ourselves may not seem like a big deal on paper, but i’m sure that in time you’ll realize just how mammoth it really is. you can have doubts about that, too. It means nothing if you refuse to see how your world reflects you. I don’t know too many people that really wants to see what they really are. me included. I simply want to earn being called a human. it’s something most people i know of take for granted. it’s something earned. I know i’ll never be the most awesome human being, but like i said, making the effort is the hardest part… but i might come close. why not give the world something good to reflect, even if it’s just for your eyes only. try it, because you’ve already tried the other way. if it don’t work, go back. but don’t estimate yourself, though, nobody needs to do that. you can if you want, but eh.

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