budai

is there a name for that feeling when you’re huddled up in the corner, muffling your crying and thinking, “i can’t take this anymore.”

i wanted to believe i was the only person in the world that felt that. i really wanted to. but sadly, i think some, maybe most of you feel that way. and we muffle it.

…alas, it may mean little to you, but i cry over my helplessness to help often. sure, nobody’s to bear the burden of the world… blah blah, but i have this burning empathy i CANNOT EXPLAIN! I hate you all. i do! i fucking hate you all!! …but i can’t help but care. in truth, i love y’ll very much. the fuckups, misfits, saints and them stuck in neutral. this place is so pretty. but the pretty really doesn’t pop as when it does with the shit in the background.

spending so much of life arguing with god or gods and it really seems i’m arguing with myself. is that it? the meaning of life. to defy gods, only to realize how you’ve defied yourself?

well done, pig. well done.

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