Being nice is always easier than being mean. Being tolerant is a different game. sometimes, this karma game really seems like horseshit. with my luck, the more i want blood, the more i probably won’t get it. so piss me off to save your lives. i really didn’t want to have a short fuse in life, but lo’ and behold. the last time i was angry, it was because i let a homeless person sleep in my house. he was kind and cold, had a daughter incidentally named after my stillborn older sister. Joy. turned out he was a freak and fucked everything up for me and my friends, of whom i lived with. i wanted to be a kind man. a gentle man. a good man. but thankfully he showed me not to fear the wrath within.
that wrath, along with all her sisters, kinda simmers beneath all our skins. disguises. your golden rule has evolved, and it’s quite important you begin to pay attention. your trusted friends, civil servants, craigslist. it’s magnetic poles have shifted. you wouldn’t believe the wonderful things that have happened to me when i decided to become selfish, ruthless, cruel and the like. and if thine karma be correct, then i won’t have to pay for it, now or the next life. i’m keeping the cycle going! you may say. No i’m not. i never was. you were. now i’m kind and nice to people. but only to look for blood. sure, maybe i went to the dark side, but in a macroscopic view, who really was the dark side? gotta feed my fury. gotta feed glee too. balance. but this fury, this fury that i never wanted to begin with. this is balance, i am balance. oh, what unimaginable fun!
don’t get me wrong, i’ll crush the people more evil than i. buuut, i gotta crush those people too happy. they both give goosebumps, really. they who understand not what balance is. and i’m right under your nose about it. i’m the fella that says, “iono”. maybe even change the subject altogether. the thinkers stand now. and it will be bloody fun! for everyone! we might act like clowns, but we’re you’re teachers. they be none in thine kingdom that knoweth more than jesters, thy teachers.
this whole thing seems dark. i’ll justify it by saying most of the things i write are channeled. it’s not by me. edgar cayce and zech sitchin and all those weirdos. the woman too. talking with spirits are one thing, but sometimes, they’re downright evil. case in point, what i’ve written lately. anyone who knows me would say, “that’s not him, no way! hugh’s the nicest person ever!” and it’s true. i really am. but being too far to one end of the spectrum makes you vulnerable to these things. i.e. being too nice. or being too mean. that classic visual of the devil and an angel on your shoulder is sort of like how it feels. except there are several devils and fewer angels. personally, i believe it’s because it’s much easier to be devilish than like an angel. i could’ve said “angelic” but even i have this built in stigma that says, “i am not worthy of such titles.” i know you do too. it’s built in, duh. so, i’ve decided to let the devils speak. perhaps they are what my subconscious is really thinking, but how do you explain the part where you don’t really dislike what i said. you can’t. it’s built in. so here i am, being a nice guy again, and telling you what it is. sort of. subconscious or otherworldly. oOoOOOooOo. it’s in us. russian sleep experiment. google that. anyway, this brief bubble of clarity is about to leave me. i gotta go. i’m sorry.
…riverrun, past Eve and Adam’s, from swerve of shore to bend of bay, brings us by a commodius vicus of recirculation back to Howth Castle and Environs.