Six seconds of a hug. Statistics say that’s the minimum time necessary to promote a flow of oxytocin and seratonin. These are mood-elevating chemicals that promote bonding.
Since my late fiancée and I were long distance, we were rarely given the opportunity to do the bonding exercise otherwise known as hugs. I was able to hug others in her stead, but it was she who I really wanted to caress.
When we were together, we were in separable. We’d get to see each other on average of two months at a time, and even having to leave in the mornings felt like tearing off a band-aid. Tears included.
We were always intimate in my mind, and all we had to do was hang out. We could be sitting on the front lawn listening to Rumspringa, or in the house watching episodes of House. Men have a low standard for intamacy, and intamacy, to us, doesn’t mean endless talks about art and daydreams that lasts hours. Those subjects are receptive and interpretive anyway. But because we men are so base, that an episode of 24 with your lady counts as intamacy, or bonding.
When a guy doesn’t discuss things with you that are clearly bothering you, it does not mean they care any less about you. Sometimes they know they don’t have the best advice, and even more so, that it pains us men in seeing the woman we love, feeling blue and not being able to do anything about it. We try though, we joke. Lighten things up, but the intention of getting a laugh often gets us in trouble. That’s why girlfriends are important. Both men AND women turn to women, or feminate gay males for understanding. I’m not sure why this is, but as even the course of history tells us, they are usually more cognizant of deeper problems.
Above is a video of me karaoke-ing to Train Kept A Rolling by Aerosmith while hanging out with Stacy, a really good friend who doesn’t beat around the bush with advice, and an excellent companion while armed with a degree in psychology. (I return great companionship of my own because I don’t want to get in her pants. A rare trait in men that doesn’t negate platonism.)