I give very good advice. Hanging out with my sister and sorting her problems helped me realized that. Since when did I become so great at giving advice?! More importantly, why can’t I follow my own? Since I lost my fiancee, I haven’t felt the urge to gawk or ogle at another woman. The idea of settling for something less always peeked it’s oily face into the corners of my mind. I’m a great platonic friend not by choice, but by natural response. Everytime I see a couple, especially interracial couples, I get a deep ache so far down inside me, that I have to pause and take a breath. Hand holdings, careless pecks on the cheek along the sidewalks, or someone yelling, “baby,” to their lover, and especially laughter; all come at me like a current. I’m a carp, not a trout, and swimming upstream is painful. Everything around me is water, and everything reminds me of her.

Sometimes I feel like an imposter. I put on a second skin, one of happiness and contentment in order to gather and mock what I find in that world. Then at night, I remove the disguise and mock myself and write about my discoveries. Do I want to be the documenter or the documentee? I don’t even know who’s side I’m on anymore. But then again, one side wouldn’t exist without the other, everything is nothing, and nothing is everything.

I summon lightning and thunder with the legendary warholian glass banana!

In the movie, Liar Liar, starring Jim Carrey, A lawyer makes a living lying in the judicial court. Literally, and he’s quite good, getting the most guilty criminals off the hook. The court isn’t where the lies stop though. He has joint custody over his son, and appointments with him seem to be the only ones he can never keep. Towards the end of the movie, the risk of finally losing his son forever to a new stepdad drove him to drastic measures. (Accompanied by his cursed inability to tell a lie for a day, even white lies.) He realized how much of a shit he was for taking his son’s visits for granted, and how bad of a father he actually was, and tries desperately to atone for his behavior. He finally saw the light because the truth set him free. I singled this movie out because of it’s relativity towards something/one I know. Of course I’m talking about ‘The Claw.’


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