There are those pleasent days where I have to remind myself I need to roll out of bed. Then drag my flesh into the restroom for that liberating urination that feels like i’m purging out all of last night’s malicious memories because it’s a new day. Holding on to the rage, sadness, and loathing will only hold yourself back, but that stuff makes me feel alive. Most people feel alive when there’s death in your eyes. I turn on the faucet and watch the water run down the sink until the mirror is steamed hazy. Draw myself a new face. Today, I’ll be a sea creature, or a cowboy, maybe an astronaut. Roll two cigarettes and start my morning jog down to the liquor store at 9:30 a.m. I don’t want coffee, but i’ll take a redbull vodka. Too early for a cocktail so I settle for a sparks. two, just in case I remember why I didn’t want to wake up in the first place.
I have a new ring. I’ve been wearing it where a wedding band should be. There’s a skull on it and it’s my marriage to death and despair. despair has never let me down, always been quite consistent. The way I see it, humans are naturally destructive. We live to destroy. It is quite UN-natural for us to be happy. Smiling seems like a chore.
BUT then there are some days or even nights where you meet someone that can turn your whole world upside down. I start thinking, maybe I was wrong to hate, and maybe I’ve married the wrong emotion. I love to smile, mine isn’t that bad. I love holding doors open for people. I love laughing and making people feel like I listen. I won’t ever have to remind myself that I have to wake up because life is beautiful. The sunbursts through my window remind me just as easily. The sunlight never gives up, and it’s the most underrated anomalie ever. Why should I give up?