Last night I planned a romantic evening with a certain special someone to watch Mars and the moon in full bloom. My date ended up cancelling and favored mimosas instead. The only romantic gesture or even a hint of interest she conveys, is falling asleep to me voice on the phone. I’m a romantic and that was and always has been romantic to me, however, I can no longer deferenciate that gesture from her sleeping with a nightlight on.
It saddens me, but I’m no fool, I just play one on tv. I can see her distancing herself, and my natural response is to fight for the ones I love. Its no fun playing by yourself though. If she truly wants me, then she has to start. Her words have lost meaning, and I can’t feel the warmth. In fact, my feelings for anything are becoming scarce. Vultures circle above me and hope isn’t warranted anymore. Chasing a hurricane, wasn’t an exciting adventure anymore, and it’s already dissipated into a tropical storm.
I was never afraid of being alone, ive been training my entire life. I was afraid of losing feelings for the joys in my life, she had become everything to me. But that girl is slipping as she becomes somebody that I used to know.
I now have a publisher for my book, and I also begin filming a short movie about despair in which I will play the lead. I made a thousand friends last night, and just as easily lost a thousand friends. I care very little about those who come and go, but I will care beyond sunrises about those who’ve hung onto me. The honestly despicable, the brutish idiots, the friends in my life.
(Btw, I enjoyed free colt 45’s and that charming colored girl who sang to me.)