It’s great when i don’t feel hungry. I’ve always had an appetite for things… anything really. but this time around, i don’t. It’s not necessarily a bad thing because i can always find the necessary nutrients elsewhere; pills, vitamins, fruit smoothies, etc. but right now all i want to do is wither.
Now, if you’ve never tried to wither, i will grant you this one piece of advice: it is much harder to do than you think. everytime the second hand clicks on your watch, it seems slower. when people tell you shitty dumb jokes, it seems like it takes even longer to get to the punchlines, but what’s worse is that your mind flys by even faster than before, and you’re left constantly refreshing the page in your mind that details why you wanted to wither in the first place. it’s a real doozy, if you ask me.
why is it that i want to wither? well, i can feel my fiancee breaking off the relationship before the 9th of this month, which is when i see her again, except she still has a grasp on me. that grasp somehow fasades itself as a glimmer of hope, but i naturally know better. but i can’t fight this feeling. so i’ve decided on withering because she refuses to exert any kind of effort in resolving a few problems, and i have to be okay with wether or not she wants to resolve with waking up in the morning to call me.
the situation is also malicious to my ego at the moment because she has rejuvinated a friendship she had with a creepy and popular older photographer. you can tell his age and advancement in life by how many adjectives i’ve used to describe him. but he’s old. and has a thing for cindy brady. yes the youngest of the brady bunch. and has refered my fiancee as cindy brady on several occasions. i’m not saying it isn’t a cute gesture, it is, but not when you’re twice the age of an engaged girl, using your popularity as a primary weapon. well i’ll tell you what, i’ve googled the fuck out of you, and you’re immensely regarded as a fucking pervert you fuck. BUT. i will say that i can sense your wit in dry humor, which i appreciate in written form. but i know for a fact my fiancee isn’t a fan of dry wit and humor. yet she enjoys talking to you, which means she’s clouded by your popularity, because you’ve nothing else to offer.
what kills me is that i’ll lose the one woman i love to a methodical pervert like him. they may not be involved romantically, but what is ANY romantic involvement if intellect isn’t involved. it’s a waste of time and completely violates the lust or temptation law you religious ones have. i love my girlfriend and have tried long and hard to keep her from going astray, but i can’t help her if she’s the one behind the steering wheel slamming on the gas pedal.