You DO pay me to sit around!

Starting a new job definitely has it’s advantages. Personally, i like the whole training processes that are required when starting a new job. even if you’ve done the same kind of work before and happen to personally exercise superb common sense. They still have to give you, the baby, a bottle, it’s policy. However this new job i just got at your local favorite overpriced bookstore has been the easiest job i’ve ever gotten! My job description basically says that i have to say “hello” to everyone, which i do anyway, and get their orders done quick, and perfect, which I usually do anyway. Did i mention i work in the cafe, as a barista? well, i’ve had years of experience at your local favorite coffeeshop conglomerate and this was even MORE of a walk in the park, with even higher pay! and best of all, it’s in my job description to stand around and yawn when there’s nothing to do! well, not literally in my job description, but it’s okay because it does get slow. There’s a branch from my old coffeeshop right down the street, and a Peet’s coffer across the street from there. People would think twice before going to get coffee from inside of a bookstore, and that suits me juuust fine.

There are some downsides to my new job though. Lots of cute girls. Literate ones at that so they’re not as airheaded as the patrons in my last workplaces. and not only do they come in the form of customers, but they come in the form of co-workers as well. I’ve already been hit on by a few, and normally, i’d say it was awesome, however i’m not interested in these women anymore. Since i’ve been engaged, i only have eyes for my fiancee, Rachel. Even though she doesn’t believe me sometimes, i don’t push that because i know i’d never do anything dishonest. When i started working, i made it known to lots of fellow slaves that i was engaged, and next month, when Rachel visits me for the month, i was planning on showing her off to everyone at my work. Relationships are always tough when one person admires the other, but i find that hard to keep as a secret as well.

So I’ve also been making good with the guys that work there as well. I like my new coworkers, they didn’t have an obsessive drinking compulsion like my friends from outside of work. so hanging out with them allows me to remember what i’ve done the previous night. that and also i’ve been sober for quite some time. (thanks to rachel pointing out my bad habits) and i’ve never felt better. though, i’ve noticed slightly that i’ve influenced these new coworkers into a minor drinking fixation as i unintentionally lured them into surly bliss through stories and triumphs of my “frank-the-Tank” days. i taught one guy how to hold in his liquor, and another guy what to and not to drink on certain occasions. and practically held a 10 minute seminar teaching them how to take shots. a week later, i’m getting texts from them saying, “Hugh, i did your shot technique! you are a god!” or “Hugh, Box o’ Wine at a party was a hit!” I am a very bad man.

I like my new job, and most of the time, i just relax and recieve praise for things i didn’t directly do. this must be what politicians feel like.


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3 responses to “You DO pay me to sit around!

  1. joybadluckclub

    i used to have a job like that, one that didn’t really require a whole hell of a lot. i rearranged underwear on hangers and texted people all day. awesome.

  2. your job sounds even more awesome! what i wouldn’t give to play with underwear on hangers all day, haha =p

  3. Sean Smith

    You know, I’ll bet good money that the attic that picture was taken in was a good place to be that night.

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